


Meanwhile, in Asgard

by MadHattress



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Humor, ooc, stupidity mostly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-05-26
Updated: 2012-06-19
Packaged: 2017-11-06 00:58:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/412950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadHattress/pseuds/MadHattress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Originally posted on FFN. In which Loki recieves his punishment and Thor is... Thor... no pairings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just Your Average Dysfunctional Asgardian Family

**Author's Note:**

> There may come a time when I write something that isnt OOC, but TODAY IS NOT THAT DAY.
> 
> ((seriously. it isn't meant to be taken literally at all))
> 
> Whee, spamming the Avengers tag tonight. I'm not even sorry!

Once upon a time, there was a- and let's stress this next bit- *completely* innocent man named Loki. Now, Loki was the god of mischief. As such, he often got into... ah... minor, insignificant misdemeanors here and there that every relatively young man goes through at some point in his life.

Like almost committing genocide.

Killing thirty innocent humans in the span of two days.

Destroying an entire town using only an automaton.

Almost intentionally murdering his own brother one or two times.

You know. Little things like that. And what about that Midgardian saying, "It's the little things in life that make life enjoyable"? Apparently that did't translate in Asgardian terms because there he stood; hands chained, mouth muzzled, and listening helplessly as his brother and father-that-wasn't-his-father decided his punishment, unable to respond with anything but a piercing glare here and a sulk fest there. Indeed, he thought bitterly, things could not get much worse from here.

"I've found the solution, Father!" shouted Thor suddenly, fist raised in triumph. "We could entrap him inside a box!"

Loki raised an eyebrow, momentarily shaken out of his sulking party. A box? Honestly. His brother could be so naive. A mere box could not contain the fabulousnes- er, terrible might and sexual prowess that was Loki Laufeyson. Honestly, this was going to be too eas-

"Did you not already try holding him in a glass container?" asked Odin.

Well then.

"We did, father, but this time we are going to construct it out of an indestrctable substance I came across during my stay in Midgard that seemed most impressive. The mortals seem to use it to fix most of their ailments. They call it..." Thor paused for effect. "Duct tape."

Ah, bless his brother's ignorance when it came to mortal items! He, too, had gone to Midgard and the only thing he noticed duct tape's usefulness lied in was for gazing at it's amazing shiny cover as it shone in the light like a metal. Except it wasn't even a metal. It's silver glow was indeed a miracle. Hmm... duct tape...

Ahem.

Anyways, he'd be willing to tarnish it's magnificent glow if it meant escaping his impending punishment.

"No, no, that is not a proper punishment at all. He has to feel remorse for the destruction he caused. From the legends I have heard of the duct tape, it seems to be a bringer of delight and joy."

Silence. Thor's brow furrowed in utmost concentration and Loki rolled his eyes. Really, this was an absolute waste of time. Were the humans he murdered even worth this mock trial drivel? Idiocy, stupidity, complete pointlessness-

"Be quiet, Loki, nobody likes you anyways," snapped Odin suddenly.

"He did not say anything, Father," said Thor, confused. "We have bound his tongue, remember?"

"What."

"What?"

"WHAT."

"FATHER YOU ARE BEING DIFFICULT."

"I SHOULD HAVE RE BANISHED YOU TO EARTH YOU SELFISH IRRESPONSIBLE PLATITUDINOUS sexy DISGRACE TO THE ODINSON FAMILY NAME BLAH BLAH."

"FATHER I HAVE BEEN NOTHING SAVE A RESPONSIBLE SON BUT YOU REJECT ALL MY IDEAS AS IF I AM LOKI OR SOMETHING OF THAT NATURE. CAN YOU NOT JUST ADMIT THE DUCT TAPE WAS A GOOD PLAN? IT WAS THE PLAN OF A FUTURE KING FATHER. A FUTURE KING."

"THAT IS IT. YOU ARE DEAD TO ME THOR DEAD. WHERE DID I GO WRONG TO GET THE INGRATE SONS I HAVE TODAY. MAYBE ILL ADOPT ANOTHER CHILD FROM MIDGARD. AT LEAST HE WOULD BE THANKFUL TO BECOME A THE SUCCESSOR TO THE ASGARDIAN THRONE UNLIKE YOU UNGRATEFUL SEED."

"I CANNOT HEAR YOU FATHER I HAVE COVERED MY EARS WITH MY HANDS. WHAT IS THAT SOUND I HEAR? NOT YOU FATHER AS MY EARS CAN NO LONGER HEAR YOUR JUDGING VOICE."

Loki looked to his brother. He was plugging his ears and humming/screeching a tune at the top of his lungs. He looked to the left at Odin. He was rambling something about "tarnishing the white robes of responsibility with narcissism" and spit flew out of his mouth angrily. He sighed. Now this he was used to. Those two were always arguing about some issue and ignoring his existence...

Wait.

That was it!

They didn't notice his existence! He could just sneak out, learn sign language and spend the rest of his days as an evil, mysterious Peruvian alpaca rancher who just happened to have a muzzle. There and there alone he could plot his revenge!

He sidestepped slowly out of the way of their cat fight and made a mad dash for the door. Almost, almost almost there...

"ASFJKGJLHGH LOKI WHY CAN YOU NOT BE LIKE YOUR BROTHER THOR I SHOULD HAVE LEFT YOU IN THE BLIZZARD TO DIE THE JOTUN SPAWN YOU ARE RRAANNGHGHH."

Thor, who hadn't met his gaze since they had arrived in Asgard, shot him a sympathetic smile. Loki face palmed. Odin wasn't the only one who wished he was left in the snow.


	2. In Which Loki Mistakes Himself For a Portrait Multiple Times and Thor Finds a Flaw in the Punishment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wasn't planning on continuing this, but then my hand slipped on the keyboard and this happened.

A few hours of bickering later and Loki found himself in a holding cell. This was beginning to become a recurring theme for him, more so lately. Oh, so Thor's annoying little brother tried to murder somebody again? Hmm, what should we do with that rascal this time... I know! Let's put him in a locked, otherwise unguarded room with a door right in plain sight! It's not as if he has, say, magical powers up his sleeves that could easily transport him out of the room or *pick a lock*. Brilliant idea indeed!

Sometimes, not often but sometimes, Loki truly did loose hope in Asgardian society.

To add insult to injury, the walls were made of metal. Boring, non transparent metal. Last time those glass walls provided a source of entertainment, if not just a means for spying. Nobody had even offered the man a magazine yet. At least the Midgardian cell had class.

If he didn't have anywhere more important to be, there was no doubt he would have left this sorry excuse for a holding cell ages ago(ignoring the whole enchanted shackles and gag obstacle, of course). Common courtesy, that's what was keeping him here. Although he had begun to take to tapping out various threats and such in Morse code on the steel door. He had no idea what the effects were on the outside world, but he could only assume everyone was quaking and kneeling in terror as he had instructed. He was in the middle of tapping, "You swine better kneel or I will go all Jotun on yo-" when Thor slammed the door open with his mighty girth.

"LOKI I HAVE GOOD TIDINGS- er, brother? Loki, where are you hiding?"

A soft moan coming from some crevice between the door and the wall was his reply.

"What are you doing pressed up against the wall like that?" asked Thor, frowning. "Have you mistaken yourself for a portrait?"

Loki glared up at his oblivious older brother with the strength of a thousand suns. But if there was one useful thing about Thor's indestructible obliviousness, it was that it acted as sunglasses made for the strength of a thousand and one burning suns and blocked out all of the hatred rays emitting from Loki's eyes.

"Well, no matter I suppose, for while you were suffering from your portrait-hanging delusions, Father and I have decided your punishment. And I must admit, it was a hard task finding a consequence for actions fitting... well, yours, but it has been done. Any guesses?"

Loki tried to facepalm, but the manacles on his hands sort of ruined the effect. Thor cocked his head to the side, as if waiting for an answer, then a look of realization washed over his face and a glimpse of disappointment was quickly replaced by a chortle on his own behalf. "Ah, I forgot the gag for a moment! It is of no use anyways since your trial is over now, so Father probably wouldn't mind if I removed it. Hold still."

He unlaced the thick, wirey cords from the back and after pushing as gentle as a man of his strength could against the base of Loki's head, a loud pop and the gag was off. In it's place was red marks, one of them bleeding a bit. He cringed.

"So... any guesses?"

"Execution?" Loki asked with a gleam in his eye.

Thor gasped. "Brother! How could you even think that?"

He shrugged. "I do love a good execution in the morning."

"I do not... your crime was not deemed worthy of an execution."

"Thor. I almost destroyed the entirety of Jotunheim. And Midgard. Betrayed my own race as well as the one I was adopted into. Let's see: treason, genocide, murder, theft-"

"We're not executing you and that is final!" cried Thor, exasperated. "We're going to make you work alongside the royal cook of Asgard."

"The chef?"

"Yes, under lock and key of course. It would teach you responsibility as well as to care for other's well being and-"

"Do the words 'poisioning by food' mean nothing to you? Or how easily the word could become an act inflicted upon a certain blonde, absent minded heir to the throne...?"

Both men were silent. One in smug satisfaction and one simply flabbergasted. Thor bolted out the door. "FATHER! I HAVE FOUND A FLAW IN OUR PUNISHMENT."

Loki was alone again. He rubbed the sores on his mouth. He looked from his chained hands to the open door in front of him once, twice, three times. No. Thor was stupid, but he wasn't that dense, surely. Looks like Plan brooding, mysterious Latin alpaca farmer was still a go! He smiled mischievously. He looked down the hall. Nobody in sight.

He took a tentative step out and was sent flying through the air and crashed into the wall, pinned a good two feet in the air by a certain somebody's magical hammer. A resounding crash echoed through the castle. A booming sigh preceeded Odin's voice. "Blast it, Thor, this is why we cannot have nice things!"

"Stay here until the meeting between Father and I can be adjourned and we shall determine a new punishment for you!" He began to walk away, then paused and called, "Well look on the bright side! Now you can continue those hallucinations of being a portrait frame yet!"

He wasn't sure if his brother was well-meaning or if that was his first sign of sarcasm. Nah. Thor being anything but straightforward? A sign of the apocalypse. At least that was something steadfast in this everchanging world. Thor's bluntness. He stared longingly at the hallway, stopping the sulking momentarily to frighten a female servant that walked past to deliver bedding to a room with a wiggling of the eyebrows and flashing a slasher smile. She shrieked, bed cloths flying everywhere, and flailed down the hall, not pausing to pick up her laundry.

See now? Was it so hard to ask for a little entertainment?

**Author's Note:**

> Wow. i am sorry you had to read that. Ha. Ha. Leave a review if you like. Constuctive criticism is always loved, but don't be all, "WOW BRO WAY TO BE OOC."
> 
> i know it is OOC man. That was the point.
> 
> I know.


End file.
